Something is missing from online social networks. You may find it's not missing at all. It may be subjective to how you make friends outside of online social networks. I could be oblivious to it's existence. This isn't an article about how social networking is changing fundamental human interaction, blah, blah, blah.

Existing social networks do well to create acquaintances. We might find each other through mutual acquaintances, recognize we've a shared interest, work at the same organization, live in the same town, or maybe briefly met. For most, that's enough to "follow", add to a Google Circle, subscribe to, or even "Friend" someone on Facebook.

Let's say online social network friends and followers are similar to folks at friend's dinner party we're both at. I don't know or barely know most of the folks here. Yet, we have a shared reason in common for attending. I'll remember a lot of the faces, but you and I don't know anything about each other. Before you and I meet, I find you interesting because you've engaged in a discussion comparing William Adama and Barak Obama's political policies and a mutual friend disagrees with your Human/Cylon and Israel/Palestine parallels.

In the online social world, most social network services grasp the above with standard features. Group, page, tag, and like features show us we've a shared interest in Battlestar Galactica and politics. Suggested friend and follower features show that we've mutual friends. The problem begins when I choose to follow, subscribe, or friend you. What I get is a fire hose, an endless high pressure stream of things about you largely irrelevant to me.

Back to the dinner party, we've just met in person. You didn't give your full profile to me on the spot. I got what you choose to share with me directly in conversation and what others around the table indirectly shared about you. It all went well, I'm calling you a new friend and hope the group accepts me.

In person group interactions expose relevant intimate information between would be, new, and old friends. Individuals in intimate group settings share information both about the present group and their non present relationship groups. In contrast, online social networks poorly show the relevant intimate interactions between groups. What I've not learned from Facebook, Google, and Twitter is knowledge of your friend groups, circles, or lists. Further, I don't have any knowledge of your interactions and relationships within them. At the dinner party I do.

This is the missing bit keeping me from creating proper friendships through online social networks.

So what's keeping it from happening? I don't believe its technologically impossible.

It's worth mentioning Dunbar's number. Dunbar's theory states humans only maintain stable social relationships with approximately 150 people. Those 150 of so people have become commonly referred to as your Monkeysphere. We don't have the ability to deal with more so we don't think about more. How quickly can you list 150 people you're maintaining a stable social relationship with? A common proof is your garbage man. Most people will toss broken glass or chemicals into the trash without regard for the garbage man's safely.

What if an online social network only allowed you 150 "Friends"?

That will never happen. At least not for the free networks offered by Facebook, Google, or Twitter. Their core business and technology models want to ensure you have as many followers and friends as possible. Having a small number of followers and friends oppose their best interest. They want you to share all with all. This allows them to most efficiently connect you with appropriate advertisers, their primary source of income.

Another hang up is privacy. Conscious or not, we don't trust Facebook, Google, and Twitter to respect the same rules of intimacy and privacy provided by a dinning room table in our friends house. Existing online social networks are analogous to neighborhood block parties, a more public setting for neighbors, friends, non-friends, and acquaintances. This is very different to the intimate dinner party reserved for friends and friends of friends.

There are efforts to create a social network dinner party. RiseUp's Crabgrass or Diaspora are close. I'm still not convinced their features will solve this digital only problem of intimate group trust required for making new friends. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to treat online social networks like block parties and look forward to the next dinner party.